Valcos creative writing class

[Commander Valco]

Wrote a thing for one of my classes and i need opinions so yeah. Go easy on me bb's




I remember the times we shared when we first met
The sun, the waves, the smiles and the sound, the rest
I knew it was the best i could get
There i felt my best
I think of the days we spent talking
I wanted more as each day went on
Like on some beach in the sun i was walking.
When you come to mind
I forget the pain, the anxiety, the crying
I leave it all behind
Because with you i no longer feel like im dying
You came into my life like a phantom
To take my time and my affection
To drive me insane and feed my addiction
To take me and point me in the right direction
Ive lost the dark and now see the light
Because youre the girl who made the wrong things right.

 

[Trisha Demilion™]

To take my time and my affection
To drive me insane and feed my addiction
To take me and point me in the right direction
Ive lost the dark and now see the light
Because youre the girl who made the wrong things right.

You've changed the pattern of the stanza during this segment, but otherwise it was alright.

For a poem.

At one point I did a free verse, didn't look like a poem but it was classified as such. I called it "What is the Point?"

 

[Commander Valco]

Well what was the point? XD
Mostly i just stick to writing actual stories but my teacher gave me this to branch out with a bit

 

[Trisha Demilion™]

Yeah I write actual stories as well, though I'm a very twisted person so if you want to see it, reader's discretion advised XD

 

[Commander Valco]

Copy and paste it fam

 

[Trisha Demilion™]

http://trishademilion.deviantart.com/art/Half-Life-Necrotic-Sentience-Part-One-588719833

Non-canon, but this is one of my rp characters that were authorized by Neptune before he got replaced

 

[Commander Valco]

What the fuck

 

[Trisha Demilion™]

What the fuck

I told you I was twisted

 

[Commander Valco]

It was pretty damn good. Dark but good. Nice work dude

 

[Trisha Demilion™]

It was pretty damn good. Dark but good. Nice work dude

Thank you ^^ I have other works on there, and there is a part two to that!

 

[Blasty]

You asked for an opinion on your work
I will give my opinion like a dork

This is very appealing to the eyes I see
Your stanzas need some work says me

As I end this pointless post
Please know this is not to boast.